Murdoch's heartache
by alexavalentine
Summary: Murdoch tries to win back Julia's heart regardless of the societal pressure and taboo
1. Chapter 1

"How can she" as William paces back and forth in his room at the boarding house. It's been months since he can have a restful sleep. Julia's voice still haunted him when she told him, "I am engaged." Just when he finally digested the bombs that she dropped on him and was going to propose to her. This woman is here to test him. He just knows it. She tests his Catholic faith by telling him that she has an abortion and tests his value again when she told him that she wouldn't be able to have children.

He has always played by the rules, both societal and religious, and conducts himself accordingly, but Julia is the only one that can make him break his rules. He still remembered when they had the picnic in the park. Under the absinthe influence and Julia's charm, he couldn't stop his hands from touching her and pulled Julia's body firmly into him and kissed her passionately. His tongue penetrated, probing deeper and found hers. Their tongues playfully touched and quickly turned passion into lust, as the sensations overwhelmed them. William became rock hard it as it pressed against Julia's body. Their bodies rubbed against with each other with an unspoken desire that both had been denying for long. William tore open his shirt and exposed his rock hard chest and abs. Julia couldn't take her hands out of this gorgeous body. He really is a sexy man and makes her blush. Julia timidly moved her hand down to his chest to feel his muscles. William also moved his large hand down to expose her chemise. Julia gasped when he gently brushed against her tiny swollen nipples. He skillfully grasped her nipple and rolled it between his finger and them and lightly pressed on it. Julia squirmed and let out small moans of pleasure in reply. She suddenly remembered that he needs to wear prophylactics! She couldn't get pregnant again. She forced her hands on his chest and moaned, "William, prophylactics!" He just stared at her for a few seconds before realizing where they are and what they are doing and stopped. "Oh Julia, such a modern woman " He groaned.

He can feel himself getting hard again. As a devout Roman Catholic, masturbation is always morally wrong. Ever since he met Julia, it is an ongoing challenge for him. He glanced at the clock and it is six o'clock. He decided to get dressed and headed to the stationhouse. He decided a good bike ride will ease his tension and clear his head. He has been getting to work earlier and earlier. When he glanced at the city morgue, he noticed the lights is also on. Can she not able to sleep as well? He doesn't know what he is thinking but his feet just automatically moved in to the direction of the city morgue.

As he walked in, the first thing he saw was her perfectly pert desierre. She was wiping the counter and her work station. William can feel his body tensed again. "Good morning Julia." He cleared his throat.

She jumped up. "William! I didn't expect anyone coming in so early!"

"Are you doing some cleaning?"

"Yes. I….I want to keep the work station clean so it's easier when I hand the morgue over to Dr. Grace." She stammered.

"Dr. Grace?" William could feel his heart skip a skip.

"the new coroner that is replacing me"


	2. Chapter 2

As much as of a reserved person he prided himself to be, his face turned white. Her voice just echoed in his head again. "The new coroner that is replacing me." He took one step forward and clenched his fists. "so you are leaving?" Julia looked at her longingly and sighed. "I can't work with you like this anymore William." She looked down. She saw how anguish he looked and has never seen him like this no matter how gruesome the crime scene.

Murdoch has always been the calm gentleman detective. She wanted to rub his eyebrow furrows away with her fingers and pulled him close to kiss him senselessly, but she stopped herself. Remember Julia, she told herself, you made a choice and he made his as well. He never tried to win you back. You've been waiting for him all these years. You are a modern woman and a woman of action. You do not become who you are today without fighting for what you want. And Murdoch never fights for you. He just let you go.

She stepped back remembering the hopelessness she felt when they parted. Murdoch took a deep breath to clear his mind. He was trying to control the turmoil of raw emotions he never knew he possessed. He lifted his long and callous fingers and raised her chin gently to force her to look into his dark, hurtful eyes. He whispered, "I will miss this." His thumb gently brushed against her nervous lips. She shuddered against his words and his warm breath that passed her ears. They both felt the strong emotional and passionate spell that they are in until they heard the hurried footsteps from Constable Crabtree "Detective Murdoch, you are needed."

Standing beside the dead man, Murdoch forced his attention to the crime scene. The dead man was lying right beside a ladder that is leaning against a tall building. He looked up and noticed that one of the windows was open. He decided to climb up the ladder to investigate further since he asked Crabtree to secure the perimeter. He easily climbed up to the top of the ladder using his toned arms and legs and tried to look into a window when he heard a faint pop with a bullet coming at him. He immediately reacted by letting go of his hands and fell into the grass. He landed on his butt and immediately felt pain that he is unfamiliar with. He heard Crabtree yelling and rushing towards him.

"George, i don't think I am able to move my body." Murdoch tried to get up but his intense back and ankle pain prevented him.  
"Sir, let me call Dr. Ogden and.." George started to ramble before Murdoch sternly cut him off. "No, don't call Julia. Get me another doctor. I will be fine."

"Has Murdoch been trying to avoid me? " Julia thought as she gave her report to Crabtree. When she nonchalantly asked about where the detective is, Crabtree tensed up and muttered that he is busy with another case and quickly excused himself. She left the morgue and went home. It's only been one day without seeing Murdoch and she already started to miss him. She quickly told herself that this is what she wants. She is marrying Darcy, one of the most eligible man in town. The smart, handsome doctor that shares the same upper class background as her. Julia's father and Darcy's parents have known each other for years and were ecstatic when they get engaged.

She sighed and looked at herself in the mirror. Her mind wandered to that night when she and Murdoch almost went all the way. She quickly took off her clothes and corset. All she had left was the light chemise that barely cover her slim athletic figure. She cupped her breasts which was already swollen and her nipples hardened. She sucked both of her index fingers in her mouth and touched the tip of her hardened nipples, imagining Murdoch sucking and licking on them. She gently tugged the nipples and imagining that Murdoch will not stop torturing her breasts until she started moaning. His big strong hands would then go grabbed her perky round butt and squeezing and cupped them. Her hands dropped to her wet mound and began to circle it imagining it to be Murdoch's fingers. Since she was so wet, her slim index finger easily slided in. She remembered how much better it will be if it is Murdoch large, callous finger instead. She slided her finger in and out noticing that her tension building before she realized the phone started ringing.

"Who will be calling at this time? Julia reluctantly rolled over and picked up the phone. It's Tash's voice on another line. "Julia, I heard Murdoch is hurt. Is he okay?" Julia's mind went blank.


	3. Chapter 3

Julia jumped out of the bed. Murdoch is hurt, Murdoch is hurt….she repeated in her mind. She quickly wore her blue dress sans corset and petticoat. She quickly tousled her hair and just let her long blonde hair fell on her shoulders. She took her doctor's bag, called a carriage and rushed to Murdoch's boarding house. Even though she remained calm in the carriage, her hands were ice cold and trembling. She was secretly praying that William is okay even though she did not believe in God. As soon as the carriage stopped, she jumped out of the carriage and started knocking on the door of the boarding house.

After what felt like an eternity but really just a couple of minutes, Mrs. Kitchen answered irritably. "Do you realize how late is it? Who is it?" "Mrs. Kitchen. It's Julia… Dr. Ogden. I am here to see Detective Murdoch." Julia called out. The door immediately swung open. "Dr. Ogden! You come just at the right time! I was so worried about him. I think he's having the chills! His face was flushed and was sweating profusely…." Julia ran past Mrs. Kitchen without stopping to say another word. She reached in front of Murdoch's door and swung it open. "William! Are you all right?"

Murdoch was not feeling all right at all. Even though his whole body was burning and sweating, he felt chilled to the bone in that he wrapped himself in a thick blanket. His back and ankle were hurting as well and he had a hard time moving. He thought he heard Julia's voice, but he must be dreaming, he told himself. He had thought he heard Julia's voice before, but she was never there. He had specifically told Crabtree not to call Julia. He probably should have stayed in the hospital overnight as Dr. Tash suggested. Tash, is that who told her? He slowly open his eyes afraid that the whole thing was a hallucination.

Julia was standing by his door. He blinked instinctively as Julia marched toward him and shut the door. Her delicate hand gently touched his burning forehead. He felt a sense of relief with her cool hand on his face "William, you are having a fever." Julia whispered. He cleared his throat and tried to speak. "It must be from the fall." He said hoarsely. Julia fought back her tears and took a deep breath. She never saw her beloved detective in this fragile state before. Murdoch was always confident, energetic and in control of his mind and his body. She took out some medication from her bag and said, "Here William, this will make you feel better." She grabbed a glass of water from his nightstand and handed it to him. She then realized Murdoch needed some help getting up.

Murdoch was just drinking in her beauty. He had never seen Julia's long lustrous hair down before. Her make up free face gave her a mix of innocence and perfect mature sexuality mixed in equal portions and packaged in one incredible body. As she bent down to help him sit up, the blanket that wrapped around Murdoch had fell down. Her nipples had briefly brushed against his chest along with her warm breath and he immediately noticed that Julia was not wearing a corset and his body stiffened.

Julia felt the heat as well. As she helped him with the powered medication into his mouth, she absentmindedly tipped the powder over and most of the medication dropped on to the floor. She managed to save some of the powder with her palm and fingers. "Oh dear, look how careless I am." As she blushed and tried to back away, Murdoch leaned in and licked the powder out of her palm. His agile tongue slowly twirled around her palm in circles which sent goosebumps down her spine. After his tongue was satisfied, he started sucking each of her long slim finger. She couldn't move or turn her eyes away from him as she was mesmerized by his darkened eyes. He finally stopped and said huskily, "water." As she helped him to sip the glass of water, he took one sip and stopped her, "Julia, water is too cold. I want you to warm up the water for me using this." He lightly touched her lips with his forefinger. Her lips were shocked by the sudden touch and she bit her lower lip.

Murdoch groaned silently.

Julia's mind was blank from him kissing and sucking on her hand. She took a small sip of water and feeling the coldness of water in her mouth. She got close to his lips and tried to transfer water into him without touching him. He could feel the heat and moisture from her mouth as her lips got closer and closer. He snapped and pulled her in his arms and kissed her with all he had. His tongue invaded her mouth and forced their their tongues to intertwined. Their kiss was magical yet short when they heard a knock, "Detective Murdoch, are you okay?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Detective Murdoch, are you okay? Dr. Garland is here to see you." Mrs. Kitchen's knocked and asked again. The name Dr. Garland woke both Murdoch and Julia out of their passionate spell. Julia reacted first by pushing Murdoch away and jumped up. She quickly fixed her hair and straightened her dress. She looked into a mirror and noticed her crimson red face was and her slightly swollen and just-been-kissed lips. She could still taste the bitterness of the medication from his mouth.

On the other side of the bedroom, Murdoch wanted to kick himself. He couldn't believe he just violated an engaged woman! Julia had done it again. He was afraid no amount of confessing was able to relieve him of his guilty conscious. He tried to rub away his worry furrow and blamed his severe headache for his obvious lack of self control.

Once Julia checked both Murdoch and her are in decent shape, she opened the door. "Darcy, how unexpected!" She said it as calmly as possible. "Julia, I should say the same to you. What are you doing here?" "I just gave some meds to help with Detective William's fever. I...I was in a hurry... " Julia looked down to the floor and muttered. "It certainly looks that way. I've never seen your hair like this. Did you just get out of bed?" Darcy looked at her in a concerned manner and lifted his finger to combed her curls. "Dr. Ogden is very kind to check up on Detective Murdoch. He is having the worst chills," Mrs. Kitchen interrupted and told Darcy.

"That's my precious Julia. So caring of others." Darcy wrapped his arm around her waist firmly and gave her a peck on the forehead. Julia was bewildered by Darcy's reaction. This is not a normal response of Darcy. Darcy has always been a reserved and stoic man. He did not display public affection, unless... She glanced at Murdoch and saw his fists clenched and chest puffed up.

"Dr. Garland, excuse me for being in such a state. What have you?" Murdoch spoke up.

"Darcy, please call me Darcy. Julia's friend is also my friend. I heard you are hurt, so just want to drop by to see if you are okay. And also, to give you this." Darcy handed Murdoch a handsome looking envelope.

"This is..." "Our wedding invitation, of course."

Mrs. Kitchen gasped, covered her mouth and quickly excused herself. Even though Murdoch never told Mrs. Kitchen anything about his personal life, she knew from the little glances that Murdoch and Julia were sharing when each other weren't looking that they have feelings for each other. May the best man win, Mrs. Kitchen sighed and walked away.

Murdoch felt his heart shattered in pieces. His mind had a million thoughts but nothing came out of his mouth. He stared into Darcy's eyes and understood. Murdoch remembered the conversation he and Darcy had in his office about promising to keep his feelings to himself. This invitation was a reminder, not a subtle one at that. He numbly took the envelop, trying very hard not to let his hand tremble.

"Darcy, it's late. Let's go home." Julia tugged at Darcy's sleeve and spoke up. She knew she needed to separate these two men as soon as possible. "Of course, my dear Julia. You must be exhausted." Darcy gave her another peck on the forehead and Julia frowned. What was Darcy playing at? This was the second time Darcy pecked her forehead and she hated his implication of the peck. She had interpreted Darcy kissing her forehead as showing his claim over her, like many paternalistic Victorian men. Darcy tipped his head to Murdoch and walked away. Julia followed behind him, too angry to realize Murdoch's vulnerable state.

The room was intoxicated with Julia's smell. Murdoch was furious with Darcy for blatantly showing his claim over Julia, with Julia for choosing Darcy, and for himself for giving into temptation. As his headache became unbearable, he drifted to sleep under the influence of the medication. He was dreaming about Julia regarding what might have happened if Darcy didn't interrupt them. Their embrace and kiss would linger much longer as Julia's hands innocently fell below his chest to much much lower. She would touch his swollen state and started to stroke the tip, with only his pajama buttom separating her hand and him. After circling for a while, she sat up, leaned closer to him and started to take off his pajama exposing his manhood. He loved the way she gasped when she saw it, admiring the enormity of it. She timidly tried to stroke the tip, squeezing only ever slightly to felt its length and girth. His hips buckled in response to her tender touch. He felt Julia calling his name, William, while she blew very warm air to his manhood that made him explode. He wished he didn't have to wake up from this dream.


	5. Chapter 5

"Darcy Garland, what was that about? " Julia spoke up as soon as they left the boarding house.

"Julia Ogden, I should be asking you the same thing." Darcy turned around so suddenly she almost ran into him.

"What do you see in him? He's not as tall, not as educated and not nearly as rich. He works as a lowly copper. He's not in the same class as us, Julia. And you saw his tiny room in the boarding house. Is that a place for a woman like your status? Are you ready to live that life, Julia? Is that what you dream of when you were a little girl? Being with someone that is every bit less than you?"

"Darcy, I will not let you speak ill of William like that!"

A clear slap echoed in the quiet night.

Julia was in shock. She lightly touched her cheek and frowned when she felt the fresh burn. "You slap me?" Julia whispered in disbelief.

Darcy was in shock as well. He had never been that angry. He took a step forward and grimaced when Julia instinctively stepped back. "I am sorry, Julia, I don't know what i was thinking. Please forgive me."

Julia held out her index finger to silence him. "Please Darcy, just go."

After a week's rest, Murdoch finally felt ready to return to work. He was feeling a lot better physically and mentally as he stepped in to the station house number 4. Being stuck in his room for a week with Julia's wedding invitation had made him realize that he had enough of this drama. When Julia had not returned to visit him, he knew he had lost to Darcy and was at his lowest point. He needed to pick himself back up and not to get his heart broken again like this.

"Welcome back sir."Constable Crabtree approached him and Inspector Brackenreid added. "How are you feeling?"

"Very good. What's been happening while I am away?" Murdoch asked as he was eager to get back to work.

"Sir, we made a break through to your case. We identified the dead man to be Robert Perry." Crabtree reported.

"Robert Perry? The one who confessed to the murder with James Gillies?"

"Yes, good memory sir."

"Has James Gillies been sent to the noose?"

"See, sir, that's the curious part. James Gillies was sent to the noose, but the prison cannot confirm that it is indeed James Gilles. The coroner that signed off James Gillies was no longer there, so we asked the prison to transfer the body to Dr. Ogden to re-examine it."

"I see. I will head to the morgue then. " Murdoch sighed as he was hoping to avoid Julia as long as he could.

Julia looked up when she heard the morgue door open.

"William, so good to see you. Are you feeling better?" Julia was so happy to see him that she stretched out her lean arms and embraced him. As soon as she felt his muscular body against her, she felt a shot of desire through her body and felt weak.

William stiffened as he felt her warm breath by his ears and the softness of her body touching his. They were both lost in their embrace for a few seconds before Murdoch cleared his throat and asked about the body. Julia let go of the hug and pointed towards the body.

"Yes, unfortunately it is not Gilles. This body's height and weight is very similar to Gilles, but the dental records don't match." Julia replied.

Murdoch followed the direction of her left hand and immediately realized something was missing. "Julia, your ring?" Murdoch inquired using his calmest voice.

Julia held on to his gaze and answered, "Darcy and I have parted. I wasn't able to visit you last week, because I was too busy sorting out the cancellation of the wedding. I am not expecting anything William. I just wish we can still work together."

Murdoch was dumbfounded listening to these words. He took a step forward and let his instincts took over.

He pulled her close with one hand around her tiny waist and one hand behind her hair and kissed her firmly by forcing his tongue inside her. She responded by letting him in and intertwining their tongues. His hand slid down from her waist to her bottom, cupping her and feeling her firm round butt. She moaned as she tried to take her breath and slid her hand to his firm muscular chest. He trailed his kisses from her lips down to her neck, which made Julia's body tingled with lust.

"William, we are in the morgue. Anybody can walk in." Julia whispered to his ears. She accidentally licked his ear lobe that made him even harder, so he started to suck on her neck that left her traces of love bites.

Julia felt so weak that she could barely stand anymore. Murdoch steadied her against the wall beside the large white medicine cabinet that concealed them if people walked in to the morgue.

His lips started to move down to her bosom. He gently caressed her on top of her clothes that solicited a small moan from Julia. He could feel her tips perked up from his caress and he forcefully lifted her dress down to reveal her breasts.

Murdoch had been fantasizing about Julia's breasts for years when he first saw them in the nudist camp. He stared at her breasts for a few seconds as Julia became wetter just from his intent gaze.

He ran his callous hands over her breasts, feeling her soft and silken skin. He plumped one breast and another and seeing the impressive cleavage that Julia had and he made.

Murdoch bent down and kissed the pinkish left nipple as he heard Julia's moan and responded to the touch of his tongue. As he was sucking on her left nipple, his right fingers twirled and flicked her right nipple. Julia's hands dug firmly into his scalp, wanting to stop him but at the same time, not being able to. She left out a series of soft moans that drove Murdoch crazy. He wanted to have her right there in the morgue!

"Dr. Ogden? Are you there Dr. Ogden?" A voice had called out forcing them to stop.


	6. Chapter 6

When Murdoch and Julia heard the calling, they looked at each other and cracked up a smile. Julia whispered, "We got to find a quiet space that we won't be interrupted next time!" They quickly straightened up their clothing and stepped away from each other. "I am here!" Julia called out.

"Dr. Ogden, another body." The morgue attendant told her and looked curiously at Murdoch and Julia. Murdoch cleared his throat and asked, "Dr. Ogden, thank you for the valuable information. Can you have a quick look at this?" Murdoch pointed at the victim's hand. As Julia bent close to examine the hand, he leaned in and whispered, "Can I see you tonight?" Julia blushed and nodded."Excellent. I presume there is nothing wrong with the hand. I will be heading out then. Good day." Murdoch tipped his hat and walked out feeling the weight has lifted off of his chest and he had never been happier.

Murdoch couldn't wait to get off work, which was saying something for a workaholic like him. He wanted their first date back together to be special but private. Since Julia just ended things with Darcy, she probably didn't want to be seen in public. Julia was nervous as she was putting on makeup and dressing herself. She received a message earlier today from Murdoch about meeting him tonight at a foreign address. She didn't know what to expect, but she felt ecstatic that they are finally taking the next step. When her carriage stopped in front of a brownstone house, she looked out and saw the lights was on. It was a modest but a well-kept house. She stepped out and looked at the address Murdoch gave her again. The door opened and Murdoch was standing by the door.

"Dr. Ogden, please come in." The carriage driver tipped his hat to both of them and rode away. Julia smiled brightly at Murdoch, "so still Dr. Ogden?"

"Julia, but I much prefer Mrs. Murdoch." as Murdoch winked and held her hand into the house.

Julia blushed and felt the warmness in her chest as she tried to change the subject and asked "So William, whose house is this?"

"It's mine. I inherited from my mother. It had been rented out for years and I recently took it back from the tenants."

"Are you planning to live here?"

"Not my original intention. I was hoping to fix it up and sell it to leave my old life behind." Julia stared at him realizing that he was showing his vulnerability to her. Julia knew that she had caused him so much heartache that she was forcing him out of his life. No matter how far he had ran, she still longed for him. There must be something between us. We definitely had the spark and passion and are meant to be together, Julia thought to herself.

"But, in light of recent event, I may just fix it up and live here myself and Mrs. Murdoch. Enough talking, I hope you are hungry. " Murdoch stopped Julia's train of thought. William ushered her to the dining table with steak and frites, a bottle of wine and caesar salad.

"William, did you cook all this?" Julia called out in surprise.

"No, I asked the Windsor House hotel to cook all this. They were unsure at first, claiming that there was no container that I can take out the dishes, but I convinced them bring my own dish. They should expand this business, call it a take out." Murdoch explained.

Julia called out, "take out, that's a new concept!"

They quickly sat down and enjoyed the meals in the candle lights that Murdoch set up for.

"Oh, William, I am stuffed. I simply can't eat anymore."

"Perhaps, a little exercise is in order." Murdoch suggested lightly as he pressed to play some music.

"Julia, will you join me for this dance?" William bowed and extended his right arm.

" Of course William." Julia accepted.

Murdoch held her close and waltzed. He felt her heart beating against his chest and felt his pulses quickened as well as her breath. He couldn't stand the sexual tension in the air and kissed her. The kiss was most intense yet and Julia let his tongue freely probe into her waiting mouth that received it hungrily. His arms went along her arm, down along her waist and his hand rested against the exposed skin underneath his layers of skirts. His hand rested there and gently whispered into her ears, "We should probably move to the bed." The touch of her bare skin, its heat and just being that close that make him hard. He gently guided her to the room and started to tug her clothes off once they were in the room.

Julia was also trying to tug his clothes off. As the pants fell, her eyes stared at the large bulge pushing out from his underwear. Julia smiled and pulled on the waistband of his boxers and dropped the underwear to the floor. She was in a seemingly innocent manner placed her hand lightly on his inner thigh, only inches from his hard on. She began to stroke him and it responded by bouncing up in anticipation of her touch. He pushed her back onto the bed. He moved his lips down to her breasts while his left hand moved to her lips and began to play gently, touching around her waist, her hips and gently gliding his fingers over her inner thighs readying her for what was to come.

Murdoch cupped and massaged her firm roundness while lightly gripping each hard nipple. He rolled her left nipple between a thumb and forefinger and kissed his right nipple at the same time. The effect was electric as Julia arched her back, thrust her hips forward and moaned deeply. Her moans and sighs were less restrained now, because her feminine needs responding to her touch becoming impossible for her to restrain. Every new touch and exploration by his hands, his lips, and his tongue would bring quick sighs and moans and more flowing juices. He moved down and started to kiss her down there, but he kept the flicks of the tongue very, very light, driving Julia crazy with anticipation, building her up and then easing her back.

Murdoch moved his hips slightly forward. His cock pushed and in to incredibly tight and wet opening, the walls pulsing and grabbing his hard on that was beyond anything he had ever felt. He pushed forward and deeper and finally he was completely inside. They were still for a moment, both of them enjoying the sensation of their tingling bodies entwined and their sexual excitement. He started to move his hips gently back and forth and gradually the thrust quickened. She wrapped her strong lean legs around him and let out a moan on each stroke. She exploded in cries of the most intense pleasure, as an orgasm possessed her body, her hips moving in a blur. Murdoch couldn't control his own orgasm and within seconds he thrust as deep as he could and cried out in the most incredible pleasure. They held onto each other as the spasms of orgasm over them in waves.

"Julia, I promise to never stop courting you" Murdoch promised as he planted a kiss on her forehead.

 **The End**

This is my first time writing fan fictions. In fact, I only discovered the world of fan fiction after getting engrossed in Murdoch Mysteries. I fell in love with the characters and was frustrated with their obstacles and lack of progress. I hope you enjoyed reading and thank you for the comments and feedback.


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